By Caroline Oas
As we prepare to head back to school, there are likely many things on the minds of your children: Whose class will I be in? Will my teachers be strict? Will I make the team? Will my crush be put next to me in the seating chart?!
Our young people are also preparing to see kids they haven’t seen since May – to rekindle old friendships or to put themselves out there and forge new ones. The new school year can feel like a fresh start when it comes to friendships, a chance to re-introduce themselves to their classmates. And this new year may also prove quite overwhelming for the social lives of our young people.
Let’s talk about a few ways that you, their caregivers and loved ones, can support your kids as they navigate the social landscape of the new school year.
Young Kids
For our younger kids, in early elementary, consider role-playing social situations with them before the school year begins. You could do this with your own self, or using stuffed animals or other toys to act out what it might look like to ask someone to play at recess or tell someone when they’ve hurt your feelings. This kind of preparation allows children to consider multiple outcomes to a situation and process ahead of time how they might respond. An example could be: “Let’s pretend (insert name here) has been on the swings for all of recess, and you really want a turn. What could you do/say?” Be sure to talk through how your child might be feeling, and remind them that they can always talk to a safe, trusted adult like their teacher if they have friendship difficulties at school.
Another way to prepare our elementary schoolers for social challenges ahead is to brainstorm together what makes a good friend. (Are they kind, funny, thoughtful, trustworthy, or someone who always stands up for you? How can you tell if someone has these traits?) And then, have your child think of ways that they can be this kind of friend to others in the new school year.
Older Kids
In older elementary and middle school, friend groups become more defined, and kids’ need for belonging guides much of their decision-making. While this can be a beautiful time of self-discovery and exploring their identity, it can also lead to fears of being left out or wishing they were in the “in-crowd.”
Preparing for this, one of the best things you can do as a parent is help to foster an inner confidence and sense of self-worth in your child. Even if they think it’s “cringe,” take a bit of time each day to remind your child of the attributes you love about them and the things that make them unique. This can have a huge impact on how your child sees him or herself. Choose a few key phrases, also known as “affirmations,” to repeat to them daily at a set time (while they eat breakfast, before they leave for the bus stop, when you drop them off in the car line, etc) and have them repeat them back to you. For example, “The best thing I can be is myself,” or “I am strong, brave, and kind,” or “I am made in God’s image.”
Teens
As teens transition from middle school to high school, the need for belonging and acceptance continues to grow (we as adults feel this, too!). The biggest enemies of belonging for young people are comparison and isolation – things we have all experienced more frequently since COVID.
Comparison, by nature, is heightened when young people enter the world of social media. Scroll through a typical teenager’s “for you” page on TikTok and amongst the viral dances and goofy comedy videos, you’ll quickly see 12-step skincare routines used by middle schoolers, influencers spending hundreds on clothing hauls, and lots of content showing young people all the ways they can’t quite measure up to the lives of others on the internet.
Isolation is when a person finds themselves alone – not in peaceful solitude – but in avoidance of the world and their peers and family. According to a recent study, there has been an increase in feelings of loneliness in young people as their social media usage has increased in the years after COVID. Teenagers are more connected than ever, and yet lonelier than ever.
The simplest way for parents to combat this trend in the life of their beloved young person is to prioritize in-person interactions in their daily lives outside of school. This can be as simple as ensuring your child is involved in at least one activity outside of school (sports, music, clubs, youth group), and setting aside dedicated phone-free time for your family to be together each week.
Don’t worry – you’ve got this.
While there can be challenges in the social landscape ahead as kids prepare to go back to school, don’t feel overwhelmed. Remember that the best thing you can do for your child is to be their consistent, loving, present parent. You already have all you need to be the best parent for your child and all of us at Youthfront are cheering you on. Here’s to a great year ahead!
Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9817115/
About Caroline Oas: Caroline is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) at Youthfront’s affiliate, Presence-Centered Counseling specializing in Child-Centered Play Therapy (CCPT) with children aged 4-10. She holds a Certificate in Play Therapy from MNU. Caroline also works with teenagers using a person-centered approach and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques. She is passionate about working with young people and helping them find inner healing and purpose. Caroline is currently accepting new clients. In addition to her work, Caroline is a wife to Kinzie, mom to baby Josephine, and dog mom to Winnie and Oliver. She is a Dunkin Donuts enthusiast and follower of Jesus.
