By Jamie Roach
As Christian parents, we face unprecedented challenges raising children in a digital age. The rise of social media, especially among adolescents, has drastically transformed the landscape of parenting. While we want to help our children develop meaningful relationships and foster healthy emotional growth, we also want to protect them from the detrimental effects of social media on the mental health of young people.
In his book, The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt shares that the rise in anxiety, depression, and even self-harm among adolescents correlates strongly with the widespread use of social media. Teens today are not just engaging with their peers in school or at home but also living in the ever-present online world of likes, shares, and comments. This constant connectivity, according to Haidt, exacerbates insecurities, amplifies bullying, and makes children more vulnerable to feelings of isolation. These struggles resonate with many Christian parents who want to foster a sense of identity and worth in their children that is not dependent on social validation.
During a recent podcast with Dr. Becky Kennedy, Haidt emphasized the importance of boundaries around screen time, comparing the dangers of unchecked social media exposure to leaving a child unsupervised in a busy city street. Just as you wouldn’t let your adolescent navigate rush-hour traffic without guidance, it’s crucial that parents are actively involved in setting healthy limits on their children’s screen use. Social media platforms are designed to be addictive, and without parental wisdom, adolescents may find themselves emotionally overwhelmed and disconnected from the real world.
But how do we, as Christian parents, walk the line between being too permissive and too restrictive? Ephesians 6:4 encourages us, “Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This begins with really knowing and understanding our kids. Then we can lovingly guide them with wisdom and discernment in the art of skillful living, not out of fear but love.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Start from a place of mutual connectedness – Seek to understand what they hope to get out of the social platforms they use. When our kids sense that we understand and care, they are more willing to accept our guidance.
- Talk to to your kids about their experience – Engage your kids in conversations about what they see online, and help them critically evaluate the content they consume. How does it make them feel? What emotions do they notice after spending time on social media?
- Share your tech toolbox – Training our children includes equipping them with tools to understand their feelings and make wise decisions. Teach your kids the power of taking breaks. Talk about the importance of setting boundaries. And help them to foster in-person relationships that aren’t filtered through a screen.
- Let your child help set boundaries – Instead of imposing blanket restrictions, consider involving your children in the decision-making process. When children are part of the discussion, they are more likely to understand the “why” behind the boundaries, fostering a sense of responsibility and self-awareness.
- Lead by example – As with all things, it is up to us to model for our children the behavior we hope to see in them. Children have always been way better at imitating their parents than listening to them.
- Keep the conversation going – Don’t make this a one-time chat. Continue to have open conversations with your kids about how social media can affect their self-worth, peer relationships, and emotional well-being.
Presence-centered parenting is not focused on setting rules to regulate screen time but serving as guides to our adolescents in how they engage with technology and social media. By doing so, we help them develop a strong sense of identity rooted in Christ, not in the fleeting affirmations of social media. With thoughtful guidance, we can raise a generation of young people who are confident in who they are, wise in their interactions with technology, and anchored in their faith amidst the noise of the digital world.
About Jamie Roach: Jamie has served on the staff of Youthfront for 35 years, working with students, parents and youth workers. His passion is seeing people live their best life. Jamie is a spiritual director, author, communicator and Licensed Professional Counselor at Youthfront’s affiliate, Presence-Centered Counseling. He received his Master of Divinity degree from Nazarene Theological Seminary and a Master of Arts in Counseling from Mid-America Nazarene University. Jamie loves Nebraska football, reading, walks in the woods and hanging out with his family. Jamie and his wife Lea Ann have four children: Megan (31), Haley (28), Logan (25) and Sophie (22).
