One of my favorite lines in the gospels is Jesus telling his followers, “Don’t load yourselves up with equipment. Keep it simple; you are the equipment,” (Luke 9:3, MSG, emphasis added). I think this is critical and life-changing advice for parents. In an age where there is an emphasis on doing, teaching skills, and managing one’s image, Jesus literally takes us back to the heart of the matter. When it comes to raising children, parents are the equipment. It is our very presence, our authentic selves which shape and form who our children are becoming.
There is a glut of information covering the techniques and skills of parenting. These approaches to modifying behavior make it sound like our kids are projects to be completed or problems to be fixed rather than people to love and be with. Jesus was more concerned with the kind of person one is becoming rather than their actions at any given moment. He often explained this principle by reminding us that “a good tree produces good fruit and a bad tree produces bad fruit” (Matthew 7:17, NLT). Therefore we should focus on the roots of becoming rather than the fruit of doing. It is the Spirit after all and not us that produces the fruit.
What if we put a new spin on an old concept of “Christian Parenting”? What if instead of focusing on behavior modification, knowing the right answers and how to monitor screen time, we placed our focus on becoming a certain kind of person? I think this is what Jesus meant when he told his followers, “You are the equipment.” When we understand ourselves to be the very instrument God is using to form our children, we ask different questions. Instead of asking, “What should I do in this situation,” we ask the deeper question, “How do I become the type of parent who naturally knows what to do?” Parenting becomes more about our own Christian formation rather than that of our kids, knowing our kids tend to follow us in who we are becoming.
Knowing that WE ARE the equipment, it’s important we as parents seek and find ways to support ourselves on that journey. For some, it comes from a strong mentor relationship. For others, it may be found in a small group in our faith communities. Regardless, it’s intentional time with someone who can come alongside us and invest in our own formation. To take the “equipment” message a step further, we as parents have to do regular maintenance (tuneups!) to care for ourselves, whatever that looks like for us in our spiritual journey.
Even in the throes of challenging parenting moments, we can strive to just be fully present with our kids and confident in God’s assurance that we are, indeed, enough. We are the equipment.
About Jamie Roach: Jamie has served on the staff of Youthfront for 35 years, working with students, parents and youth workers. His passion is seeing people live their best life. Jamie is a spiritual director, author, communicator and Licensed Professional Counselor at Youthfront’s affiliate, Presence-Centered Counseling. He received his Master of Divinity degree from Nazarene Theological Seminary and a Master of Arts in Counseling from Mid-America Nazarene University. Jamie loves Nebraska football, reading, walks in the woods and hanging out with his family. Jamie and his wife Lea Ann have four children: Megan (31), Haley (28), Logan (25) and Sophie (22).
